Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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