where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
