is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
