white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she pinky promised me she was 18
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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