Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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