So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
