You smell like a Billy Joel song
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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