U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
