you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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