I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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