So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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