I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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