there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
