batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
