I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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