Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sarcasm needs its own font
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
