I'm sorry my penis didn't work
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
