I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
