Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
