I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
