I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
