the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
