Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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