would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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