I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There's even glitter on my cock...
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