Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
