Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
