Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
