Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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