LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
