it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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