Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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