I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
