All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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