just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
