It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
