You don't have asthma, your pregnant
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
