WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
