it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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