the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
