Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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