she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
