Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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