i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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