Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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