Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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