You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The ass gains better be worth it
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