Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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