Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we made out on top of his cat.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
