I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
