I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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