he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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