I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
