i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
