I wish my penis had an off switch
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
