I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
