I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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