I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Success! We fucked roommates!
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