yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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