Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
