dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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