im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
