im about as happy as oj after his trial
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
