Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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