You can't motorboat a personality
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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