i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize