all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't notice because vodka
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
